Tips from Parenting Network: Parenting Styles role play, tools + statements

Hi parents, 

These great tips came from the PRO-grant workshop with Beverly Cathcart-Ross last month. It was a very informative evening and she offered many useful tips to help us become “great parents”. Thank you to all parents who were able to join us.  For anyone interested in borrowing it, the school has a copy of her book, Raising Great Parents. 

How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen… or NOT

Controlling Parent:
Statements that invite submission or defiance…

Manage:
“I need you to go up stairs, brush your teeth, wash your face and get into your pjs. Then it’s story time.”

Warnings:
“If you jump on that couch one more time young lady…”

Demands:
“I don’t care if you are watching TV, turn it off now!”

Threats:
“If you don’t come down right now, there will be no dinner for you.”

Control:
“No, you can’t have any dessert; you didn’t finish your dinner.”

Criticize:
“What is the matter with you? Your brother is 2 years younger and he’s ready on time.”

Direct:
“Hurry up will you. We are going to be late for school again.”

Punish:
“You stay in your room until I tell you to come out.”

Pushover Parent:
Statements that invite manipulation or dependency…

Giving up:
“Do what you want; I’m tired of fighting with you.”

Giving in:
“Ok stop your whining. You can watch some TV. But that doesn’t mean you can watch every morning!”

Over-serve:
“No, let me pour the juice. We wouldn’t want a spill.”

Pamper:
“You don’t like the eggs I made? How about cocoa puffs? Baked Alaska?”

Over-protect:
“Don’t swing so high, you’re making me nervous. You might fall off.”

Guiding Parent:
Statements that invite cooperation and responsibility…

Let the Routine be the Boss:
“It is 5 minutes to story time. What do you need to do to be ready?”

Be Flexible:
“Looks like you want to do some jumping. How about we put some cushions on the playroom floor and you can jump there.”

Let the Routine be the Boss:
“When do we watch TV in our house?”

Show you care:
“I don’t want to eat dinner without you. Why aren’t you joining us?”

Ask the Child:
“So you’d like to go for a sleepover tomorrow. Well, what can you do to make sure you get a good sleep tonight?”

Offer Help:
“Everyone is ready to go. Is there anything you need help with?”

Problem-solving:
“We’ve been late twice this week. Tonight let’s put our heads together and figure out a better way to get out the door in the morning.”

Say what you’ll be doing, not what they should do:
“I’m getting my coat and heading to the car.”

Disengage:
“I love you too much to fight. I think we both need a break to calm down.”

Alternatives to No:
“How about we get a jug that’s just the right size for you to pour your own juice?”

Give a Choice:”
Can I make you a bagel or do you want to help yourself to some cereal this morning?”